From the Sublime to the Just Plain Silly: The Tick

The TickOne of the best things about Christmas is that you get all these great books and DVDs that you’d been meaning to get for eons, but just hadn’t. So one of most appreciated gifts under the tree this year was the DVD boxed set of The Tick vs. Season One (1994).

What? You’ve never heard of The Tick? A nigh-invulnerable blue superhero with crazy antennae sticking out of his head, whose battle cry is “SPOON?” Whose sidekick is Arthur, mild-mannered former accountant who dresses in a moth costume that everyone thinks is a bunny costume instead? Who battles villains like Chairface Chippendale, who is an evil genius with a chair for a head; the Breadmaster, creator of an army of evil gingerbread men, and El Seed, a huge sunflower gone bad? Well. Once you watch The Tick, you never can look at superheroes in quite the same way again.

Originally created as a comic book by the clearly insane, yet brilliant, Ben Edlund, the best part about The Tick is his dialogue. He utters the most inspired mixed-metaphor cliches ever created. And you know, it takes a pretty good writer to mangle the written form so dramatically. Read through some of these Tick quotes and see what I mean:

Destiny’s powerful hand has made the bed of my future, and it’s up to me to lie in it. I am destined to be a superhero. To right wrongs, and to pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evildoers everywhere. And you don’t fight destiny. No sir. And, you don’t eat crackers in the bed of your future, or you get all… scratchy.

[after jumping off a tall building and landing on the ground] Gravity is a harsh mistress.

Don’t ever try to swim against the mighty tide of justice.

I am mighty. I have a glow you cannot see. I have a heart as big as the moon. As warm as bathwater. We are superheroes, men, we don’t have time to be charming. The boots of evil were made for walkin’. We’re watching the big picture, friend. We know the score. We are a public service, not glamour boys. Not captains of industry. Keep your vulgar moneys. We are a justice sandwich. No toppings necessary. Living rooms of America, do you catch my drift? Do you dig?

So, America, catch a wild ride onto The Tick’s surf and, as the great one says, “Hang ten for Justice.”

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